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Fat Girl-itis

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Well it’s official I’ve gat Fat Girl-itis.

There are many days I walk around with crazy hair and frumpy clothes, I’m fully aware that over the last several years I’ve gained more then a few pounds and that I’m not always looking so hot.  But there is a part of me that likes to believe I can still get dressed up, tuck in the fat roll and be a pretty girl for a night.  Leaving the house I may even have myself convinced I’ve pulled it off.  It’s not until my eyes see the after photos that I realize I was just kidding myself.  Fat Girl-itis isn’t hideable.

I use to be this skinny, hard working, bubbly energetic girl…and I’m not saying I’m not anymore, I’m just saying that part of me may have taken a long vacation.  After I had my daughter I went from go, go, go to stay at home mom.  You would think that being a stay at home mom would give me an oppurtunity to be even more energetic because I could pick my activities, but not so much.  At some point I have become quite fond of the interiors of my house and exercise to me is retail therapy.  Sad I know.

All that being said…help me get out of here!  The person I seem to have become surely isn’t the person that I want to be.  I am fully aware of the fact I may never be the size I once was or have the body I use too, but damn it I can at least try.  The mentality is there I do want a body makeover, the will power eludes me.  For some reason when I say or think the word diet usually something like chips or soda immediately follows.  Why is that such a hard word?  Why or how is that I sabotage myself more less?  Even though I want to lose weight and make changes in my life at what point does it become more then that.  At what point does enough become enough and I embrace it?  Not embracing it is kind of like telling myself I’m not worth it, don’t you think?  And I am!

You know I think that my weight has changed my personality.  When I talk to my friends on the computer I can say just about anything I want, I can be as funny as I want to be.  Out in the real world that funny, bubbly personality just takes a hike.  Subcontiously is it possible I just don’t want to bring attention to myself in fear people will notice what I think is wrong with me?

I guess I’m just thinking out loud here, but if you’re reading this and you’re there, you’ve been there…you know what I’m talkin’ about I would absolutely just love to hear what you have to say.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Monday, May 11, 2009 12:49 am

    I hear you, girl! You can do it. I’m doing it, a little at a time. And if I can, after 6 babies, you can too. Let’s go! You’ll find it in there somewhere. I know you will.

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